The Shakedown of the Albacore by Unknown Author (submitted by Dan Gasmire)

The Albacore a mighty ship,
The fastest of the deep
That’s the word that first was said
About the ungodly heap.

That’s the word that first was said
But that was not the last
For here’s the story of the thing
That soon would come to pass.

On the first of April in Fifth-Four
She left old Portsmouth town
Two engines pounding faithfully
With a strong and mournful sound.

The sea wasn’t rough (for a normal ship)
But the Albacore to sail
Was like riding out a hurricane
In a bucket or a pail.

We headed South with this in mind
Of liberties in foreign port
But then the breakdown changed our mind
To things of a different sort.

The engines wouldn’t engine
The generators wouldn’t gen
The only thing that worked aboard
Was the tired and sickening men.

So into port we were forced to go
For a rest, tied to the dock
But the only rest we were to have
Was to work around the clock.

Three weeks it took in old Key West
To get things back together
Then we headed back North again
And for a change, we had good weather.

Two days out, it happened again
The engineers were afraid to look
When they took it apart to see
Mr. Hacker got all shook.

That left but two things to do
One of them was to row
The other was to call SubLant
And ask them for a tow.

So back to Portsmouth we finally came
On the end of a sturdy cable
This my friend is the honest truth
And not just a fable.

A mighty ship we are called no more
You can curse, cuss and slam
So go ahead and have your fun
Because the crew don’t give a damn.